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Using only a hose and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Cubs, I am the subject of numerous documentaries, and I cook 30-Minute Brownies in 20 minutes. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. I bat .400. I'm just an all around groovy guy...

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