Teefury

“Well, the shirt had little to no budget, terrible art design, and looks like it was drawn by a drunk Michael J. Fox.” “My favorite part about wearing it is that I don't have to look at it myself.” “Who's hands are those, anyways? Did the Thing's cousin come over to visit?” “That's a wonderful shade of Varicose Vein blue it's printed on.” “Come on Crow, let's get out of here.”

 

Oh, you know. I live in the not-too-distant future, somewhere in time and space.

 

You know that thing known as “phantom limb,” where when an amputee loses an arm or a leg they still feel like they have one? I often experience something called “phantom fez,” in which it feels like I’m wearing a fez even though I’m not.

 

It’s kind of embarrassing, but I don’t know how to spell the word “hyerarchy.” I know you think I’m trying to spell “hierarchy,” but that’s not true. I know how to spell that. It’s just that I am reeeeeeeally bad at spelling that other word.

 

I’d say basically everything that exists fits into my life of favorite things. I’m quite a big fan of sunshine, pizza, mustaches, England, the Moon, Dr. Who, pens, socks, plaid, water, roller coasters, fire hydrants, whiteboards, semicolons, dreams, hot dogs, curtains, showers, whales, pipe cleaners, skeletons, s’mores, and everything else.

 

Well, I used to just doodle with crayons and fingerpaints and such. Nothing much, but one day someone bought one of my scribblings and put it in a museum, actually. You may know it as “Starry Night.”

 

Movies! They’re the one magical time in your life when you can feel like something’s real that isn’t. Yes, books and television and video games and all those do that as well, but there’s something about the immersion that happens with film in a format and length that’s unmatched. Also, I don’t know if this happens at most cinemas, but at the theater I go to there’s always some guy and a pair of wisecracking robots that make every movie hilarious.

 

That depends. In an actual war, Candy would win, hands down. But in a dance battle? Popcorn.

 

My favorite shirt is white and brownish in kind of this splotchy pattern, and it’s one of the softest things I’ve ever felt. I really like just lying on the sofa and petting it on my chest.  Whenever I’m out with it, people always comment on how cute it looks. Also, it’s really good company, and I love chasing it around the yard. Oh, and also it’s not a shirt it’s a dog.

 

C’mon, I already answered this question. Try to keep up. And while there’s no way I can choose my one favorite movie, here are some of the best: Back to the Future; My Neighbor Totoro; everything by Pixar; the Lord of the Rings trilogy; Iron Man; The King’s Speech; The Avengers; Pirates of the Caribbean; Jurassic Park; Howl’s Moving Castle; Ghostbusters; Toastcrusters; Harry Potter 12: The Voodoo Accountant; The Chocolate Melts at Midnight; KnifeBoot VII: Revenge of the Murder; The Doc Ockumentary; The Dark Knight; The Dark and Stormy Knight; Comma Parade; Captain Billboard; The Thirty-Seven Digestive Issues of Fancypants Junction; Agent J½; Taxing Taxi Tacks Attacks; Drier Lint: The Movie; and The Adventures of Flimflam. Oh yeah, and Airplane.

 

Well, I just hop in the old time machine, and go to the future to see what sort of stuff I’ve drawn. Then I take a copy of that, come back in time to the present, and submit it. It’s actually really easy—I don’t know why so many people do it the hard way of actually coming up with stuff.

 

Yeah, just one. RAGGLEBLAAAGHAGHAAAAAHH! Thanks, I needed that. Lotta stress lately.